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Scumbags of the Week
Week of February 12, 2010: We're Not Really Sure
This week, ladies and gentlemen, friends and fans, we're not really sure of who our scumbag is. It could be Bears coach Lovie Smith. Or it could be his son, Mikal Smith. Or it could even be a possition, like, say, "Defensive Quality Control Coach" or "Offensive Quality Control Coach." Or maybe it's just the Bears in general for being so stupid and perplexing. But we'll tell you this: there is a scumbag out of that group, and it's probably all of those things.After taking five weeks to hire a guy everyone knew they would (Mike Martz), then very shadily (is that a word?) announcing Rod Marinelli as the DC on a Friday in the mid afternoon hoping no one would notice, the Bears hired Mikal Smith, Lovie Smith's son, to a position that we're sure they just made up. Yes, they hired him to be the "Defensive Quality Control Coach." What the hell is he going to do? And what are his qualifications, other than being Lovie's son; has he played football in the past, or coached football in the past, or even played a lot of Madden in the past? Every week it seems the Bears have done something either stupid, or funny, or confusing, but this one takes the cake for all three of those categories. First it's stupid because it's just a waste of money. It's Lovie's defense so nothing is going to change no matter what Mikal wants. Plus if Lovie isn't in charge, it's Rod Marinelli's defense, and he runs the same one as Lovie, so he wouldn't change anything either. After that, there are all sorts of position coaches who probably have more power than Mikal (hell, there are probably fans that have more power than Mikal). It's funny because of the fact that the Bears made up a position in order to give Lovie's (probably out of work) son a job. And not only did they make up a position, but they made up a rediculous position. They aren't even trying to fool us anymore. It's confusing because WHAT THE HELL IS A DEFENSIVE QUALITY CONTROL COACH AND WHAT THE HELL WILL HE DO?!?!?
Well there you have it. Our scumbag(s) of the week. For being scumbags, Lovie Smith, Mikal Smith, fake positions, and the Bears, you are all our scumbags of the week!
Week of January 8, 2010: Bears Organization
This week, ladies and gentlemen, our scumbag is none other than the Bears organization. It starts with Ted Phillips, Bears CEO and president, continues on to the GM Jerry Angelo, and finds its' way on to Lovie Smith, the head coach. Ted Phillips promises "big changes" but continues with the status quo (see Alex's latest blog entry). The biggest out of the three, though, is Lovie. While Phillips promises changes and won't deliver, he admitted that the Bears have made mistakes. Jerry Angelo, for how many wrong moves he's made over the years, for how many good players he's let go to other teams, for how many bad draft picks, at least admitted that he's made mistakes. Lovie, on the other hand, refuses to admit that he's made mistakes. According to him, he called a perfect game every game and his defense is good and his coaches (at least the ones remaining) are good. He says he still believes in the Cover 2 defense, which every offense in the league has figured out. He says he still believes in running first, when their offensive line couldn't open up a hole if their lives depended on it."You need to run a defense that you want to win with." That's what he said. Not a defense that you can win with, a defense that you want to win with. He's had the talent to win with this defense (not this past year, but before that), but the scheme failed.
Well, on to Jerry. He is a horrible judge of talent. He brings in other teams' garbage and expects them to start for the Bears. Josh Bullocks, who the Saints let go, was brought in to be a starter. What a joke. He's made horrible draft choice after horrible draft choice. From Michael Haynes to Tommie Harris to Ced Benson. He has not had a good first round draft choice since he's been here. And let's not forget the Gaines Adams for a second round pick debacle. For all those reasons, he is a scumbag. Now, for Ted Phillips, who promises "big changes." Yeah, big changes while watching the bottom line, and keeping Lovie and Jerry.
All three of them are horrible football people, and the Bears are stuck. We, for one, hope that the Bears don't make the playoffs next season because that would mean contract extension talk for Lovie and Jerry, and 6 years is enough. For all the horrible moves and horrible calls and horrible statements, the Bears organization is our scumbag of the week.
Week of January 3, 2010: Hee-seop Choi
This week, ladies and gentelmen, our scumbag is none other than former Cub Hee-seop Choi. It's not really because he's pissed us off in any way... this story is just too funny. This is the easiest scumbag to update ever, because I'm just going to copy and paste the article here. So here it is, the story of Hee-seop Choi:"Former Cubs first baseman Hee Seop Choi (or Choi Hee-seop as he's known in his native Korea) credits a grueling seven-hour hike up and down a South Korean mountain with revitalizing his career, according to a story in the JoongAng Daily.
Choi, if you recall, was a hyped Cubs prospect who never panned out. He was the first Korean-born position player to break into the Major Leagues when he debuted with the Cubs in 2002 and became a minor cult favorite among Cubs fans who would often chant his three-syllable name. Probably best known for a scary collision with Kerry Wood in a 2003 game with the Yankees in which he was knocked unconscious and left the field in an ambulance, Choi was traded to the Marlins in the offseason for Derrek Lee. Choi returned to Korea to play for his hometown Kia Tigers in 2007 after bouncing around the minors for two years.
He struggled it the Korean league for two years until he found Mount Seorak, which he credits for helping him lose 20 kilograms and turning his career around. Choi batted .308 and hit 33 home runs and drove in 100 runs, helping Kia to the 2009 Korean Series title. 'When facing an opposing pitcher, I would think back to my first climb up Mount Seorak last year,' Choi told the paper. 'I had a near-death experience on the mountain and from that perspective, baseball was merely a game.'"
Week of December 21, 2009: Lovie Smith and Jerry Angelo
This week, ladies and gentlemen, we have a two-fer for scumbag of the week honors. And this week the honors are spit between our two favorite people to call scumbags. You guessed it: Lovie Smith (or as Paul has taken to calling him, “Hatie”) and Jerry Angelo (or as Paul has taken to calling him, “Devilo”). First up is Lovie. There are so many reasons that he is a scumbag that we will only give one. The number one reason is that he called two timeouts on one play! It was on a ball that Olsen dropped, being the scumbag that he is, and Lovie called a timeout, because in his words, “Something wasn’t right. I really wasn’t sure what was going on, so I called the timeout.” You know, if he wanted to call a timeout to figure out a game plan, seeing as how the Bears were down at the time (we know, big surprise, the bears were losing). But then, he proceded to challenge (an unwinnable challenge, mind you) the catch… AFTER HE CALLED THE TIMEOUT!!!! If he was going to challenge it, why call the timeout? Just challenge the damn play and lose your timeout! But no, Lovie didn’t want to do that! He wanted to waste two freaking timeouts at a point where there was little time left and the Bears were losing! The Bears should just fire him and put us all out of our misery.Our next scumbag for this week is Jerry Angelo. He is a scumbag because he is by far the worst judge of talent in the No Fun League. You can’t blame the players for not being good enough to start in the NFL. You can be mad that they’re starting, though. They aren’t good, yet Angelo thinks that they are, so he doesn’t try to improve his team! Oh wait, he did try. He traded the Bears’ second round draft pick to the Bucs for Gaines Adams, who plays 4 downs a game and is a seventh round talent. Now the Bears don’t have a first round pick because of Cutler (we’re fine with that one), or a second round pick because of Adams (we’re not fine with that one). Their third round pick will probably be traded down so they can get six sixth round picks and have 2445 Al Afalavas on the team because the Bears value depth more than talent under Lovie and Angelo. Please, McCaskey family, fire Jerry Angelo.
So, for being the worst coach in the NFL, and the worst GM in the NFL, Lovie Smith and Jerry Angelo are our scumbags of the week. Put us out of our misery and fire them… pleaaaaaaase!
Week of July 26, 2009: Roger Goodell
This week, ladies and gentelmen, the scumbag of the week honors goes to none other than the commissioner of the No Fun League, Roger Goodell. After Michael Vick served his two years in prison (which he deserved, but not the point) and out of the NFL, Roger Goodell says, "Hey, I'll conditionally reinstate you!" And football fans rejoice that Goodell kept his nose out of everyone else's business.But wait! All that means is that Vick is eligable to sign with an NFL team, but not to play games until at least week 6, at which point in time Goodell will go back and decide if Vick can once again resume playing in games. Why call it a "conditional reinstatement?" Why not call it what it really is: SUSPENSION! Why in the hell can't Goodell keep his nose out of other people's business! The man deservedly served his time in prison, now let him back in to the NFL so he can play with all his criminal friends. Honestly, Goodell, your league is full of scumbags, why not let one more back in?!? So, for being a scumbag, Roger Goodell, you are our scumbag of the week.